Poems from the Pit
of Black Despair
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Poems from the Pit of Black Despair |
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Four poems sent in a bottle from a faraway place:
the day was bright i was comforted it was sweet as far as i could see but then my eyes grew weak what was the sun? i knew only undifferentiated enclosing me triumphant
golden and warm
happy
laughing and loved
a limitless horizon
perpetual daylight
darkness turned away
a diminishment
a filter over the sun
casting a shadow
a long
dark
shadow
i could not see
i could not think
or remember
or know
darkness
unmapped
hopeless
grasping me
to its bosom
covering my eyes
my ears
my heart
that it has won
again
there was no looking up it was the end or felt like it the beginning of the next this world the end seems final no matter tomorrow's those are ideas
out
over
above
or through
is far
beyond the edge
of the world
of darkness
where there is no ahead
only here
and now
here
and now
joy or happiness
enclosed in light
obscured by shadow
bound by the mind
looking down
spiralling
diving
head first
down the shaft
the pit
of brutality
hatred
ugliness
pain
misery
and wretchedness
where no one loves
or is loved
or cares
or can see
anything
but
darkness
the hallway is empty feet dodge quickly another step eyes turn down quick words are spoken chasing ringing in the soul the frozen world warm invisibility is desirable the shame life is hard
sterile
down the carpet
to the stairs
a slightly slower step
a careless sigh
a smile
the feet increase
hands dig into pockets
a frozen smile emerges
not heard
only digging
in the heart
the mind
tormenting
slashing like a knife
over and over
again and again
a smile like a bell clapper
of the soul
elsewhere
but here
cold
empty
mechanical
hated
is hurt
he won't hear it he'll say i say why must i go despair a few days in light a few days that seem the cycle begins i fall in until the rabbit
All poems ©1997. By Wendy Darling.
these words
of black despair
he's heard it
all
before
before
and before
it is
it was
it will be
me
back
to this
emptiness
withdrawing
in pain
anguish
loneliness
happiness
warmth
company
eternal
exhausting
wretched
and ugly
again
again
and again
the rabbit's hole
i cannot get out
releases me
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